At Isle Esme
by WilyArmadilla
Summary: The honeymoon, from Edward's point of view.


The wake of the boat glowed silver in the moonlight as we approached Isle Esme. I was as nervous as any new husband on the first night of his honeymoon. More probably, I admitted wryly, since most husbands, at least in these times, had far more experience in this area than I. I almost wished I had taken Tanya up on her many offers, simply so I'd have a frame of reference to guide me. I sighed. I wanted this more than I've ever wanted anything in my existence, and equally feared it. What if it didn't work? What if I actually hurt Bella? Or worse. I found it especially difficult to keep her safety in mind when she kissed me, when her hands twisted into my hair, when she pressed her soft body so eagerly against mine. Her trust in my self-control was absolute. I wished I could be so sure.

"Bella, look there." I directed her attention toward the looming landmass ahead of us. She leaned forward, eagerly scanning the dark horizon. It took her a few moments to discern the silhouette of the island against the night sky, palms swaying in the tropical breeze.

"Where are we?" she asked as we pulled up to the jetty. I had hoped that she would like my surprise and her very apparent delight pleased me a great deal. I had, after all, put a lot of thought into this.

"This is Isle Esme," I explained.

"Isle Esme?!" she gasped.

I was amused. Her aversion to even the most modest of gifts was part of her charm, so this should entertaining…

"A gift from Carlisle to Esme. She offered to let us borrow it." I explained, suppressing a smile at her shock. I put the suitcases onto the dock then turned back and swept her up into my arms. I had been waiting for this moment for a very long time

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" she whispered, breathless.

"I'm nothing if not thorough," I grinned. It was no task to carry her, and the luggage, up from the dock to the brightly lit house. I had been, as I said, thorough. The house was fully stocked with all the comforts that a human might want…including light and food. This night had been in the planning stages since the moment she had said the final "Yes" to me.

Despite all the preparation, I still found myself feeling painfully awkward. Bella's thoughts were, as usual, hidden from me. What wasn't usual was her steadfast refusal to look into my eyes. I could feel how hard her heart was pounding, how quick her breaths came. What was she thinking? Was she just nervous, as any other young virgin on her wedding night? I certainly understood that! Or was she scared of all the things that could go wrong? That, too, I could understand. It terrified me also, even as I yearned toward it with the longing of almost a century of pent-up desire. I was too nervous to ask.

I dropped the bags on the porch and pushed open the door. One deep breath, and then I looked down at the girl in my arms. I waited until her eyes finally flicked up and met my gaze. In that one look, I saw all that I had been waiting to see. Her love, her trust, and her stubborn refusal to be afraid of what I was. With her eyes on mine, I stepped across the threshold. NOW it felt it official. Mrs. Edward Cullen. Isabella Cullen. I liked the sound of that. Only one human technicality still needed to be fulfilled before the law declared me to be hers, and she mine.

I slowly carried her through the open public areas – the living room with its well-stocked DVD selection, the kitchen, the dining area – showing her the comforts of the house, before taking her down the one short corridor that led to the private spaces where I set her gently on her feet. I still heard the hammering of her heart, the quick breaths…

I wanted to give her a minute. Time to collect herself. Time for ME to collect myself…

"I'll…go get the luggage" She didn't seem to hear me as she slowly walked toward the massive bed that held pride-of-place in the room.

I fled. What was I thinking?! Jacob was right. This was madness. She was fragile, breakable. I would hurt her. We should wait until…

But I promised. In its own way was what she wanted any more difficult for me than what I had demanded of her? I had asked her to put aside her fears and marry me, asked her to endure gossip and public speculation…I knew how difficult it had been for her. And all she had asked of me in return is that I _try_. It tormented me. I wanted this. I wanted to try more than almost anything. But...if I lost control of myself…..

I walked slowly to the veranda and retrieved the baggage. I had thought this through a thousand times, and still I hesitated. If I lost control, what then? I might hurt her. I might break her bones. If I forgot myself and held her too tightly, I could crush the life out of her soft body. I could picture that happening all too easily. Agony pierced me. And then there was the thirst. Every moment of every day I felt the call of her blood. The pain of it didn't bother me anymore, I had known worse. It was almost instinctual now to ignore it. But once I let go, freed the very human passions that I'd kept pent for a century, would I still be able to resist? Panic clawed at me. I closed my eyes, jaws clenching. I had to get a grip. She was waiting.

I carried the bags to the room. The heat had already dewed Bella's forehead and neck with tiny gems of moisture. She didn't notice. She was still lost in thought, slowly running her hands down the netting of the canopy. As always I was struck by her beauty. I slid up behind her and gently wiped a small rivulet of sweat from the back of her neck, turning the motion into a soft caress. Her heart was pounding so hard that I could feel it shaking her body. I wished I could see into her mind, to see why her heart beat so fiercely. Perhaps she was reconsidering this rash course of action. I hoped (and dreaded) that it was so. Probably not, I thought wryly. She was so stubborn. Well, so be it. I took a deep breath, ignoring the ever-present burn in my throat. It was time.

"It's a little hot here" I apologized, "I thought that…would be best."

"Thorough." She murmured.

"I tried to think of everything that would make this…easier" I admitted. The tropical heat to warm my icy skin, the ocean breeze to cool her body, and the gentle sound of the waves to soothe the nerves. Well, at least one of those was working. I could already tell that my temperature was several degrees higher than it was normally. The rest, maybe not so much.

Never in almost a century had I felt so unsure of myself. Bella wouldn't look at me, she just stood staring at the bed, her pulse racing. I didn't know what I should do, how to make this less awkward. Maybe it would be easier if the bed wasn't so imposing. There was no way to ignore the fact that in a house for those who never slept, a bed served only one purpose. Perhaps getting out of this room would be the best way to start, I decided. Get her away from the immediacy of the act.

"I was wondering if, first, you'd like to take a midnight swim with me" I said softly. Yes, that was a very good idea. The water would further warm my body. And though the night was not dark to me, Bella would probably be more comfortable if she felt less…exposed. I felt better now that I had a course of action. "The water would be very warm." I coaxed, "This is the kind of beach you approve of."

"Sounds nice." She agreed, her voice trembling. She still would not look at me. I wanted to lift her face, to see her eyes. Since her mind was closed to me, it was the only way I could guess at her thoughts. No, I would allow her this privacy. Besides, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. Not tonight.

"I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two…it was a long journey." I whispered. She nodded and I leaned down to press a kiss to her moist skin, "Don't take too long, Mrs. Cullen."

As my lips brushed against the silk of her throat, I felt anticipation coiling in my belly. She had always excited me, always tested my self-control. Tonight I would finally permit myself to relax that control. I would act out all the fantasies I'd envisioned. The slow lingering caresses, the fervent kisses, the gentle strokes along every secret line of her body. I would touch her as a husband would touch his wife. The thought filled me with an odd, fluttery trembling. I couldn't tell if I was excited or scared to death.

"I'll wait for you in the water." I promised. I released her and walked out the French doors onto the beach, letting my shirt slip off onto the floor as I left. I could feel her watching me as I slid into the darkness. I stopped at the water's edge and looked out at the moonlight sparkling on the waves. I heard the shower come on in the house. I sighed. It seemed Bella would be a bit longer than I had expected. That was fine. It would give me time to prepare myself.

I slipped out of the rest of my clothing and entered the sea. Yes, the water was as warm as I had hoped. I closed my eyes and lay back into its gentle embrace. I tried to relax, to free my senses. But that just made me more tense. The only time I allowed myself this kind of freedom was when I was hunting. I had to find my balance. I could already feel the wildness building inside me. My senses sharpened. I could see the striations in the bark of the night-cloaked palms. Even under the water I could hear the chirping of insects, the call of the jungle birds. I could hear the whisper of fins as small fish darted through the sea grass. The heavy smell of brine in the humid air could not mask the scent of tropical flowers, the damp jungle, the sweet smell of Bella's skin as she stepped from the shower…that last one jolted me back to reality.

No matter how much I wanted this, no matter how much Bella wanted this… it had the hall-marks of impending disaster. It was too easy to picture all the ways this could go wrong. I wanted her in every manner that a man wants a woman, but I was NOT a man, and she wasn't just any woman. She was the reason I could exist at all. And she was so fragile. I was terrified I would break her. And even if everything went well, I would still hurt her. It was unavoidable.

Carlisle had spoken to me about that, about what to do.

_"__In this, Edward, you must be as patient and gentle as possible. She will experience some discomfort of course, perhaps even pain. But this can be minimized, to an extent. Sexual arousal will increase her pain tolerance, so definitely take your time working up to the act. You must also be very patient and go about it slowly. Allow her body time to adjust to the intrusion." _He had smiled slightly_, "She will undoubtedly let you know when she is ready to continue…" _

And then he had looked at me so seriously…

_"__What you plan is very dangerous, Edward. You know how sensitive we are to touch, to smell. I have to warn you how very easy it is for us to become overwhelmed by the physical sensations of lovemaking. It will be especially difficult for you, my son, given the temperature difference between the two of you as well as the way the scent of her blood affects you. Those are the lesser of the difficulties in this, though. You are also claiming your true mate for the first time. This would be of no issue were she already changed, but for a human our mating instincts are…problematic. Most especially, in yours and Bella's case, the instinct to place a physical claim on the body of ones mate. Unless you want to change her then and there, of course."_ He was usually very circumspect with his thoughts in regard to his and Esme's physical relationship, so I was caught off-guard by the graphic – and very sensory – replay of that experience in his mind. "_So if you are resolved to do this…I just want you to be prepared as much as possible."_

I groaned. I should never have agreed to this. I pushed myself up out of the water and stood trembling in the surf. But…denying the instinct to put my mark on Bella skin…it couldn't possibly be any more difficult than resisting her blood had been in the beginning, could it? Carlisle had never met a 'singer' before, so he had no idea how powerful the attraction was… Surely if I could resist the siren call of her blood, this other thing couldn't shake my control either. I felt a small measure of confidence return. I firmly resolved that it would NOT. No matter what. Maybe if I insisted hard enough I'd start to believe it. I sighed. Too late now.

I scented her before I heard her slow pacing across the sand. It seemed that her time alone had done less for her nerves than it had for mine. Her pulse still raced and her breath came far too rapidly. She hesitated a few feet onto the beach. I heard her soft gasp as she finally saw me there in the moonlight. I waited. She would come to me when she was ready.

After a moment the frantic drumming of her heart began to slow. One deep breath, and then the soft fall of fabric onto the sand. I grinned as my body reacted in a fairly predictable way to that sound. Bella could always provoke my human side. And my vampire side too, I cautioned myself. Although I no longer had to struggle to control my desire for her blood, the smell of it still caused my mouth to flood with venom and sent thirst burning down my throat. She stepped into the water and moments later I felt her take my hand. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her lift her face to the moon.

"Beautiful." She whispered.

"It's alright," I turned so I could look at her more fully. Here was true beauty. SHE was beautiful in a way that the cold moon could not rival. It could, however, enhance. It gilded the lines of her shoulder and painted her face in softest silver. She was so lovely it left me speechless. I tangled our fingers together, and pulled her gently into my arms, so very grateful that she had chosen me to love.

"But I wouldn't use the word beautiful. Not with you standing here in comparison." Predictably she blushed. Then she smiled, and finally looked into my eyes. I was mesmerized. As lovely as her body is, it has always been her eyes that captured me. She slowly lifted her hand and placed it gently above my cold, silent heart. That soft touch tingled through me like electricity and the warm invitation of her eyes woke the trembling in my gut. I wanted her. Now. The force of it made me shudder. I scrambled after my scattered wits, my breath ragged and quick.

"I promised we would try, " I whispered. "If…if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once." Her eyes were serious and she nodded solemnly. She stepped forward and laid her head on my chest.

"Don't be afraid," she said softly. "We belong together." The love and confidence in her voice disarmed me and soothed my fears. Her faith that I could never hurt her was absolute and there was nothing that I could say that would convince her otherwise. I sighed and pushed away my doubts. My arms wrapped around her and I pulled her close.

"Forever." I promised.

Gently I ran my hands down her back as she moulded herself around me, every line of her body shaping to every angle of mine. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her hands tangled themselves in my hair as she pulled my face down and pressed her lips to mine. It was a very serious kind of kiss and I returned it with almost a century's worth of stored passion.

I traced the curve of her lips with my tongue, gently parting them. The feel of her tongue grazing the tip of mine pulled a soft groan from the back of my throat. I wanted to touch every inch of her body, to memorize every rise, every secret hollow. I stroked the length of her ribs and gently kneaded the soft swell of her breast. Followed the smooth arc of her waist to her hips, her buttocks. And she touched me as freely, as greedily, as I did her. I felt a wild, electric energy singing through every part of me. When I moved my lips to the soft skin of her neck and along the arc of her collar bones, her hands slid down, caressing my chest and then tracing the hard curves of my stomach, my belly. Would she go lower still? I shuddered with anticipation.

"Bella, you are driving me mad. Please…" I gasped into her neck. I felt the sudden heat of her blush and immediately regretted the words…until I her lips curved into a smile as she pressed a warm kiss onto my shoulder.

"Please 'yes' or Please, 'no' " she breathed into my ear. I almost choked, trying not to laugh, because I didn't know which I meant either.

Then her hands slide down the outside of my hips, her thumbs skimming down to just barely brush the edges of my groin, and I couldn't concentrate on anything else. Her touch was devastating and I felt a low growl slip through my lips. My hands convulsed around her waist, her hair, clutching her against me, pulling her head up so my stone-hard lips could crush down on hers. I wanted – I _needed_ \- to be closer to her, so close I would feel every frenzied beat of her heart resonate within my own silent chest, so close that the blazing heat of her human responses would thaw even my icy skin …She cried out when I pushed myself away.

"No, Edward. Please!"

I did not want to stop, but it was no longer a choice. These feelings…so…human. It was difficult to remember _why_ I could not kiss her the way I wanted to kiss her, why I could not touch her the way I _wanted_ to touch her. I was teetering on the edge of losing grip on my self-control. It was good that we were in the water and there was no purchase, no leverage to add to the force of my body pressing against hers. As it was, I was almost sick thinking about how tightly I had been holding her. Her bones were so delicate, so fragile. So easily broken…

"Bella, I have to." I gasped out. I was shaking with the strength of my emotions. My mind was stunned. "I have to stop NOW." I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, struggling to find a calm center.

She reached out and gently stroked my cheek. Her hands trembled and her breath came in ragged pants. "I'm sorry, Edward. I wasn't thinking. I just…I want you so much." I writhed from the shame, hearing her apologize for _my_ weakness, _my_ lack of control. I burned with it. I wanted to correct her, to tell her that she had done nothing wrong – but I couldn't. My ability to think, to form a coherent sentence even, was gone – lost in the spinning of my overwhelmed senses.

"We'll go back to the house. We have time. It doesn't have to be tonight. We'll go slower next time. We can do this. I know we can. I trust you, Edward. You would never, ever hurt me."

She took my hand and tugged it gently. "Come, Edward. Let me be the responsible one tonight."

I let her lead me out of the water and onto the sand. I followed her, docile as a lamb. I was bewildered by the astonishing potency of these unfamiliar urges. It had been sheer instinct to stop and now I ached with thwarted desire. I barely noticed as Bella led me into the house and pushed me down onto the bed. She sat beside me, her arms clasped around my waist, her chin resting on my shoulder. I turned my head and saw that she was watching me. I studied her face. Did she know how confused I was? How much I hated disappointing her?

"I'm so sorry." I said. Sorry didn't even cover it. I was appalled. "I can't tell you how…"

She covered my lips with her fingers. 'Shhh. Don't worry about it." Her understanding was painful to me. She moved her hand and curved it around my cheek. I closed my eyes, no longer able to bear the compassion in her gaze. At least I stopped before I hurt her. That was something, anyway.

"We just went too fast. It was too intense for the first time. We just have to practice a little." She said comfortingly.

What? Did she not see how dangerous this was? I had been so very close to completely losing myself in the storm of sheer physical sensation. I had no experience in disciplining my more human instincts. And what did she mean about 'practice'…?

"Remember the meadow, the first time you kissed me? It was like that. " I could hear the sudden smile in her voice when she added, "Should I say 'oops'?"

I felt myself smiling reluctantly. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again. I studied her face again, looking for signs of distress. She sat there lips curved gently, no sign of discontent in her eyes. They were soft, accepting…and the slight smile was absolutely adorable. Still, she had to be disappointed…

"Bella…I wanted…so much…to…" She pressed her fingers against my lips again, stopping my apology before I could properly phrase it.

"Edward. It's not the end of the world. We can work on it."

I was immediately suspicious. "What do you mean, 'work on it'…"

She pursed her lips (don't think about how soft they were, how warm…) "Well, you used to not be able to kiss me, either. Don't worry. We have weeks and weeks of honeymoon," She smiled impishly. "Not to mention this very soft, very convenient bed."

I was forced to smile at her allusion to the bed I had installed for her in my room. The bed where she had agreed to marry me. Where I had promised to _try_….

Bella leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss, then jumped up and walked toward the bathroom. It was a testament to my confusion and bewilderment that it I had not noticed she was still unclothed. As was I. I found that quite interesting. And distracting. I watched her stroll into the next room, thinking about what she had said about moving too quickly.

I considered. It was true that proximity and familiarity had, to a point, desensitized me to the scent of her blood. And it was also true that at one time it had been all I could bear to simple press my lips softly against hers. Hmmm. It troubled me, not being able to disagree with her conclusion. But I had no idea how to go about the process without losing control again. The sensory overload was like nothing I had experienced before, just as Carlisle had warned me it would be. It was like, and unlike, the way Bella had affected me the very first day. But the problem here wasn't thirst, _that_ at least I had some experience controlling. I had very little experience reining in my human reactions. It was so frustrating! If I could just find something to focus on besides the unsettling physical responses of my own body…

Well, the only things that could hold my attention that tightly was music and Bella herself. If I could moderate my strength when lost in music then there should be no reason I couldn't do the same when lost in my Bella. Yes. I could concentrate on _her_. Treat her as gently as I did my piano. This night was all for her anyway, not for my own selfish gratification. _That_ would have to wait until she was more durable.

I stood up to follow her, then hesitated.

I _wanted_ to be worthy of her trust. I wanted to believe that my love for Bella was strong enough to protect her, even if I lost control. But could I bear the agony if she was wrong, if I _did_ hurt her, if I _broke_ her? Even the thought caused me a great deal of pain. I wavered between keeping my word and keeping her safe. I couldn't decide. I only promised to try, and we had. She would not hold my weakness against me, nor think less of me if I chose not to take the risk. But, I realized, _I_ would blame me. I would always feel like I taken the easy road, like I hadn't given her my full measure, if I didn't at least try one more time. I pushed aside my doubts and paced silently to the door.

She had wrapped herself in a soft robe and was brushing out her hair in front of the mirror. I leaned casually against the jamb, watching her. I never got tired of looking at Bella. I loved everything about her. Her silky hair, her velvet soft skin, her beautiful lips…she dazzled me over and over. She smiled, meeting my eyes in the reflection. I knew it would only take a moment for her to notice my interest, my very _obvious_ interest at this point, I humorously acknowledged. I saw her gaze sweep down then immediately flick back up to mine, her eyes wide and startled. Color bloomed on her cheeks. She looked positively shocked! I didn't try to hide my smile. This was proving to be quite entertaining.

I pushed away from the door and strolled over to stand behind her, still keeping my eyes locked with hers. She stood frozen. I slid my arms around her waist and leaned down to kiss her hair. I could feel her heart beginning to race as she finally realized that I was not ready to declare our experiment a failure.

"Not yet, my love" I breathed into her ear. "We will try again, your way. Slowly."

Gently I turned her to face me and leaned down to press my stone-hard lips to hers. This was known territory. This I could do for hours on end. As we had proven time and again. It was also a very effective way to curb myself. I would have to stop to let her breath. That would give me time to calm myself, should my reactions begin to overwhelm me again. Speaking of which… I could feel the heat beginning to coiling in my belly and tighten in my groin. Resolutely I pushed that away, focusing only on Bella's reactions, how the beat of her heart sped faster and faster, the way she melted against me, the urgency of her lips. Finally I swept her up in my arms and carried her back to the bedroom. I carefully put her down on the soft bed and slid in next to her. For a moment I simply lay beside her, looking into her warm, milk-chocolate eyes. I reached out and stroked the gentle curve of her cheek. And stroked it again as I felt it warm under my hand.

I tried not to think about before, about the pounding heat, or the frantic urgency that had nearly overwhelmed me. Tried not to remember the racing of her heart, the heat of her skin against my lips, the way her body had moved against mine when I touched her so intimately…I found my own breaths begin to speed, my own body starting to tingle. Not good. Ruthlessly I ignored those very dangerous responses and forced myself to concentrate.

"Now," I whispered, "Where were we…"

Smiling I pulled her toward me, and cradled her to my chest. "Ah yes, now I remember."

Once again I pressed my lips to hers. She responded as I knew she would, with a great deal of enthusiasm. I loved that about her, among all the other things. I loved the way she couldn't seem to keep from burying her hands in my hair when we kissed. The way she curved her body to mine, fitting herself so perfectly to me that we were like pieces in a puzzle. I especially loved the way her heart jumped whenever I touched her. Wordlessly these things told me that she loved me –loved me far more than I could ever possibly deserve.

Her lips parted under mine as my tongue slowly traced their gentle curve. She gasped softly, pulling my breath into her mouth. I didn't hesitate to increase the intensity of my kiss in response. We had been here many times before. I knew how to please her in this. We spent some few moments at this very pleasant occupation before I pulled away and let her breath. I didn't stop though. It was not yet necessary. I simply moved my lips from hers and slowly, slowly kissed along her cheekbones, to the sweet hollow under her ear, down along her neck. Her breathing quickened as I loosened the sash of her robe and slipped it back from her shoulders, following that line with my lips. I was starting to gasp a bit myself. Especially when she began pressing her own heated kisses against the back of my neck and the side of my throat. If I didn't stop now, what was currently a very exciting warmth would burst into consuming flame. And I was enjoying this too much to ruin it. She made a small noise of protest when I pulled my lips away from her skin.

"Edward?"

"Shhh, Bella. It's alright. Remember? Slowly." I laughed softly when her lips, her soft silky lips, fell into a pout. She was absolutely adorable. Irresistable, in fact. And since I had managed to get control of my breathing, I saw no reason to resist at all.

This time I started differently. I knew the power my vampiric lures had on her. All the snares we used to attract our prey, I used now to dazzle Bella. My voice, whispering words of love, of seduction, into her ear. My breath filling her mouth as I kissed her. My scent, so very compelling to human senses, surrounding her as I touched her face, her lips, the curves of her body. I thrilled at the way her heart sped like a galloping horse, how her pupils dilated, and the look in her eyes...I liked it very much. I also liked the way her lips felt against my throat. The way her hands pressed so tightly against the small of my back. And soft satin of her breasts, unbelievably smooth under my lips - I liked _that _too much. I gave myself a mental shake, trying to clear my senses. I needed to focus. She moved gently against me, her legs twining about mine, pulling our bodies more firmly together. Yes, that was right. Let her take what she needed, and I would concentrate on managing my own unruly reactions. She pressed her warm lips against my throat, my shoulders, my chest, the tip of her tongue licking out to taste my skin. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to ignore the moist heat of those eager kisses. Control, control, control…I chanted silently. I had wanted this response, done my best to provoke it in fact, and I could not ask her to restrain herself. Restraint was my job.

I took a few seconds to try to calm myself – not the easiest thing to do with Bella touching me the way she was – before kissing my way down her neck to the base of her throat. Through the thin membrane of her skin I felt the frenzied rush of blood in her veins, I felt the heat of it, had the scent of it in my throat. It excited me. But this, again, was a well-known excitement and I allowed myself a moment to linger. As usual it sent a harsh burn down my throat and filled my mouth with a rush of venom but it was also an indescribable pleasure. An intoxicating perfume that was sublimely Bella. Her skin was so soft and warm against my lips, her quiet sighs like music. As my lures worked on her, so did hers work on me. And I felt exactly how well they were working as my body began to respond, all unbidden, to the scent of her. My hands tightened on her arms to pull her closer. Dammit. I forced myself to let her go, to stroke down her arm and twine my fingers in hers. More than time to move on, I cautioned myself. I would have to stop soon if I continued to lose focus like this, and I most certainly did not want to stop now.

So instead, I changed the tempo. I raised our hands and grazed my nose down her wrist, enjoying her scent and testing my control – it was my own personal way of showing her how much I loved her. With slow caresses and whispered endearments I gentled the frantic beats of her heart. My kisses were softer - more love and less passion. She quieted in my embrace, her eyes heavy-lidded and warm. Her hand lifted and she caressed my cheek, her thumb skimming over my lips. That was unfairly distracting, I noted absently.

"Are you alright, love?" She asked with concern. I smiled down at her.

"Much better than alright, I'd say" I chuckled. "But I'm enjoying this too much to rush through it." I loved the soft pink that slowly stained her cheeks.

"Bella, " I said more seriously, "I promise I will give you everything, every part of me, but I want this to be more than just a physical act. I want to show you how much I love you. How much I want you. I intend to give you every pleasure I can. But I cannot lose control with you. I cannot make any mistakes. And that means…" I smiled slowly down at her, "that means I have to…pace…myself."

She blushed and dropped her eyes, embarrassed. I cupped her face between my hands and waited for her to look at me again. I needed to know what she was thinking. Her mind might be silent, but her eyes were very expressive. And they told me everything I need to know. She loved me. She wanted me. She was not afraid.

I pulled her close and slowly rolled until she lay atop me. That was better. I wouldn't have to worry about crushing her under my weight. I held her face, kissing her lips, her eyelids, her cheeks. I buried my hands in her thick hair and tilted her head back so I could kiss her neck, her throat. My hands circled her waist and I – carefully - lifted her until she straddled my body, palms splayed against my chest, her dark tresses falling like a curtain around us. She lowered her head and pressed her lips to mine. She traced the same path as I. Lips, eyelids, cheeks…throat. I was gasping for breath, and hers came in short rapid pants. She filled my vision, piercing me with her beauty. It was almost surreal. My mind seemed to float. The heat between us was not a conflagration so much as a glowing ember, slowly consuming all my fears, all my doubts, all the reasons I told myself that I could NOT. I still had some control, able to moderate my strength, able in some measure to hold to my purpose…HER needs. But my hands moved over her body without conscious direction. My lips moved against her skin without restraint. She surrounded me, her smell, her warmth, her hands dancing over my icy skin like flickering flame…I was gloriously in heaven. I made no attempt to analyze the sensations, no effort to catalog the action or reaction…I just WAS. And she was there with me, touching, coaxing, encouraging. It didn't matter that her mind was closed to me, her body was telling me how very much she wanted more…

"Please, Edward…" she gasped. "Please…I want you to do it now…" Her voice was throaty, her eyes hot and wild. I always had difficulty refusing her anything, and this…this was something I had neither the will nor the desire to deny her. Not anymore.

I moved my lips from her breasts, up her chest, her neck, along the edge of her jaw, to the corner of her sweet, silken lips. "Yes, Bella. Whatever you want. Whatever you need." I murmured against her soft, warm skin.

With one deft motion I rolled her into position, my knees pressing against her open thighs. Her hands stroking my back, my neck, sliding along the planes of my chest…I leaned over her, bracing myself along the length of my arms, hands clenched in her hair. "Are you ready, Bella? Are you really ready?" I whispered, holding her eyes with mine. I wasn't at all sure that I was ready, that I would be able to maintain composure, but this was for her. Only for her. And I would give her everything she needed. She pulled herself tightly against me.

"Yes. Yes, Edward! I can't take any more. I want you. Now. Please…." She breathed into my ear.

I couldn't resist a few small touches as my hand moved down. Her throat, her breasts, her ribs, the graceful swell of her hips…the silky skin of her thighs….

Abruptly, I was afraid. Carlisle had told me that this would be the most difficult part. Not just for me, but for her too. What I was about to do would cause her pain, and that terrified me. Slowly, I cautioned myself. You must go slowly, just as Carlisle told you. My hands were shaking as I gently pressed myself into her. I froze when she cried out. I couldn't move. I had hurt her. As much as I had known it was inevitable, it still tormented me.

"Bella, are you alright?" I began to pull back…

"No, Edward. Don't. Just…give me a minute." She hissed through clenched jaws.

I gritted my teeth and held myself still, waiting. And then she moved. She pressed herself up, slowly, so slowly, holding her breath. And then relaxed back into the bed, gasping. And then again. And again. Each time increasing the depth of her movement. Her body quivered beneath me. I tried to desperately to ignore the heat, the slick friction, the way her body enveloped me.

I trembled, besieged by a mix of fear for her safety, pain for her pain, and a fierce need to move…to push myself into her. I clenched my hand into her hair and concentrated on her face. That didn't especially help. She was so…her lips were…and her eyes… and all I could feel was the heat of her body wrapped around mine. It was all I could do to simply hold myself there above her and stare into those eyes. She smiled and pulled my face down and kissed me, her mouth soft and urgent against mine. I kissed her back, trying to apologize without words for the pain. It was only moments before her heart was pounding again, her breath excited and quick.

One of her arms wrapped around my neck, hand burying itself into my hair. The other pressed hard against my back, her nails trying futilely to dig into my skin. Her legs lifted and wrapped around my waist as she arched up to me, a soft moan coming from the back of her throat. She was ready to move on….

I gasped and then with one slow, smooth motion, I gave to her the last portion of me…

And my body exploded. There was no more distance, no exciting warmth, no quiet passion. She was _everywhere_. She surrounded me and dominated me. Her scent pulled at me, the fierce pounding of her blood intoxicated me, the heat of her body drove me into a frenzy…There was nothing but HER.

(_Except…._lento, lento_ \- slowly, slowly. _Pianissimo_ \- very gently - two words whispering faintly in the back of my mind_).

It was sheer primal drive. There was no possible way to stop. It took all my strength to hold onto what little control I had left, to hope that my survival instinct would keep me from killing her. I didn't even think about hurting her now. All thought was gone. The only thing left was need.

(…_lento, lento…..painaissimo….lento_…)

I dove into her over and over. I had to make her MINE. There was nothing more imperative to my existence than this. I needed to fill her with my essence, my scent. No one - not vampire, wolf, or human - would dare contest my bond! NO ONE! I felt deep growls begin to vibrate up from my core. We were almost there. Bella shuddered beneath me, legs tight around my waist, body rocking with wild abandon. "Please, love….please, please, please…" She panted in time to our heated motions.

Her voice, her soft pleading cries, pushed me to the edge. I buried my face into her hair breathing in her scent.

And then, with a jolt of terror, I felt my teeth grazing the smooth skin of her neck. Her back was arched, pressing her breasts tight against my chest, her throat curved invitingly for my pleasure. The need to claim her as my mate was almost irresistible. It drove me. I _had_ to sink my teeth down, to hold her immobile at this first mating, to mark her, forever, as belonging to me and ONLY to me. With a strangled cry I turned my head away, eyes clenched. I. Could. Not. STOP.

(… _pianissimo_…_lento_….)

Even that faint, unnoticed thought disappeared when I heard Bella cry out my name and felt her release pulsing around me. That tipped me over my own precipice. It was too much. I couldn't separate the man from the vampire. Lust and blood lust. Blindly I buried my face into the pillow and bit down. I barely heard the rip of fabric over the ringing in my ears. Every nerve was singing with electric excitement. My body shook with it. I was floating in a sea of sensory pleasure the like of which I had never even dreamed existed. Every other experience paled in comparison. I hung suspended in that endless, ecstatic moment. Reality gradually seeped back into my consciousness. As my ragged breathing finally slowed, I found myself whispering words of love, of gratitude into the ear of my…mate. My beautiful, precious, amazing treasure. My wife.

We were twined together so tightly I could feel Bella's pounding heart as if it were in my own chest. I almost sobbed with relief that she was still alive. That I had not done the unforgivable. I tightened my embrace, and then abruptly loosened it as I realized exactly how hard I was holding her. I pulled back and looked down at her, suddenly worried beyond words.

"Are you well, love?" I asked anxiously.

She smiled up at me. "Absolutely perfect." Her breathing was still erratic, but beginning to slow. And her eyes, her beautiful expressive eyes, almost glowed with happiness. I studied her face. Would she tell me if she was hurt? She might not, just to spare me guilt. She had before. But I could usually tell when she was being less than forthcoming, and I saw nothing of that now. I smiled, relieved.

I felt her body relaxing from around me, her legs slipping from my waist, arms loosening to a more tender embrace. I was reluctant to move, but surely she was ready to sleep. Gently I pulled away, and she gasped softly as our bodies parted. I almost pushed back into her, that regretful sigh fanning the flames of desire that had only briefly been tamped. I wanted to make love to her again. I didn't want to ever stop. The effects were still singing though my body.

No. Not tonight. As much as I wanted to, I knew that it wouldn't be right. She needed to sleep. It had been a very long day – and a long night too, I laughed to myself. And besides, even if she wasn't hurt – and I still felt some small concern about that despite her assurances – she would undoubtedly be a bit sore. It was her first time, after all. And Carlisle had mentioned that too.

I gathered her gently into my arms, cuddling her to me. She smiled up at me and stretched to give me a soft kiss.

"I love you. Thank you, Edward." And then she yawned. I laughed quietly, stroking her arm. Still smiling, content, she snuggled into my chest and closed her eyes. I watched her sleep, filled with an overwhelming happiness. I was still euphoric from the success of the endeavor. Most importantly, I hadn't hurt her. Even as wild and uncontrolled as I had been, I still had not hurt her. She had been right, again. She was so brave. And beautiful. And loving, generous, selfless…altogether amazing. And she was mine now in every way. I almost exploded with satisfaction at that thought. My wife. My mate. My beloved. I didn't want to wake her, so I caressed her with my eyes instead of my hands.

That's when I saw the first bruise. I trembled as I brushed my hand softly across it. I was horrified. It was the exact shape of that hand. I felt sick. All the joy, the satisfaction…while she lay here injured.

But she hadn't said anything! She had let me hurt her. Why? Why would she do that? How could she do this? Not one sound! I would have stopped! My infallible vampire memory provided the answer, my father's voice explaining, _"Sexual arousal will increase her pain tolerance…." _The words echoed in my mind.

I groaned. I hadn't thought it through. I had thought that a good thing, a mitigation of the pain she would feel when we first made love. I hadn't considered that she might not know if I'd given her worse hurts. Would she have felt it if I had cracked her ribs, holding her so tightly? If I had damaged her inside? I went over all the possible ways I could have hurt her without obvious physical signs. So many ways! I watched, anguished, as bruise after bruise appeared on her delicate skin. The one on her face, along the line of her cheek caused me particular pain. That was where I had touched her the very first time, before she even knew I loved her.

I couldn't look any more. I rolled away from her and threw my head into the pile of pillows, sending goose down billowing into the air. More evidence of my inherent weakness. For all my pretenses that her blood was sacrosanct, that her death at my hands was no longer an issue, here was proof that it was nothing but arrogance. I had avoided _that _hell by mere inches. I vividly remembered the need to bite. Not from thirst, but to show that I somehow _owned_ her. It was sick, twisted…I was revolted by the very idea.

Bitterly I watched the soft feathers dance on the gentle breeze.

Bella moved restlessly. Immersed as I was in my wretchedness, I had not noticed how quietly she had been sleeping. I was immediately alarmed. Usually she would have spoken by now, said _something_, made _some_ sound in her sleep. I forced myself to examine her again. Was this silence a sign of her injuries? Was she truly just sleeping or was it more than that? I focused my attention on her breathing, her heartbeat. They seemed to be fine. I sighed in relief. I brushed my hand softly across her brow, checking her temperature. She was damp with sweat. My fault, I thought angrily. I was so immersed in my own guilt that I had given no thought to her comfort. I had chosen this hot, humid place for a reason - so that we could be together without worrying about her getting chilled when I held her. I should have realized how uncomfortable she would be when we weren't together. Another mistake to add to the list.

I gathered her back into my arms and gently held her against me, trying not to press too firmly against the motley of bruises coloring her skin. She sighed and threw her arm across me, pulling herself closer. Pain and guilt assaulted me. What would she think in the morning when she woke and realized what I had done to her? What _had_ I done to her? That question still plagued me. I wouldn't know the answer until she woke in the morning, but that didn't stop me from brooding about it for the rest of the night.

I stared up at the canopy, watching as the light turned from the grays and blacks of night, to the pinks and yellows of dawn, to the warm gold of full day. Waiting for Bella to wake. Waiting to find out how badly she was hurt. She lay against me, her head pillowed on my shoulder, her arm flung carelessly across my chest. I ran my hand lightly down her spine - barely a whisper of a touch - up and down, up and down, lost a sea of self-loathing.

I was pulled from my reverie when her breathing changed and her heartbeat sped up. Bella waking was usually one of the best parts of my day. Watching her eyes warm and melt as sleep faded and she found me waiting for her…it still filled me with wonder that she took so much joy having me there with her. Today I continued to watch the light and shadows play on the ceiling instead. I was too ashamed to look at her.

Her arm tightened around me and she took a deep breath. And then she astonished me by giggling!

"What's funny?" I wondered, still watching the shadow play. Her stomach growled. The sound was a twisting knife in my gut. She slept all flight, and I was so eager to get her here that we hadn't stopped for her to eat. Yet another mark in the failure column.

"You just can't escape being human for very long." She laughed. How could she make jokes?! My teeth ground together. There was nothing amusing in the situation. Nothing!

She pushed herself up onto her elbow and I felt her eyes studying me. "Edward, what is it? What's wrong?" All the playfulness was gone from her voice. Good. It was past time she took this seriously.

"You have to ask?" I grated out, finally looking down at her, watching as she turned the question over in her mind, trying to puzzle out the answer. She looked…confused. I gently smoothed the worried pucker from between her brows.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered. Why didn't she say something? Was she going to make excuses for me? Deny her injuries?

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I…" she trailed off. Of course. Blaming herself. I should have expected that one. My eyes narrowed as I studied her.

"How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth - don't try to downplay it." I growled.

She looked shocked. "Hurt?!" she said, sounding surprised. I almost hissed from frustration. How dare she play the quiet martyr with me? I pressed my lips tight to hold back the words that wanted to spill out and waited. She tried to pretend that she wasn't stretching her muscles, tensing them and testing them. As if I wasn't _always_ aware of every move she made.

"Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now." She was annoyed. That was completely maddening. Would she never give up her pretenses?!

I realized that I had no right to my anger. Of course she would make excuses. Of course she would deny me any fault. That was my Bella. Gracious, kind, more concerned about others than herself. It was agonizing. I closed my eyes, "Stop that." I scolded.

"Stop what?"

"Stop acting like I am not a monster for having agreed to this." My self-loathing returned with a vengeance. Not only had I damaged her, I had the appallingly bad taste to get angry with her for not throwing it in my face!

"Edward! Don't ever say that." She was upset now. Add another black mark to the pile…

I couldn't bear to look at her, to see the bruises in the harsh light of day. They had been bad enough in the grey night. "Look at yourself, Bella. And then tell me I'm not a monster."

When she gasped, my eyes snapped open. She sat there looking bewildered, downy feathers drifting around her. She caught one and examined it,

"Why am I covered in feathers?" she asked.

She _would_ focus on the inconsequential. I was impatient. "I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about." I needed to know if she how badly she hurt. She still hadn't answered _that_ question.

"You…bit a pillow? _Why_?" I wasn't going to answer that one. Ever. It was too shameful. And it was beside the point. She was evading the question. What was she hiding from me? I would have the answer. Now.

I gingerly took her hand, stretching her arm out. "Look, Bella." I needed her to focus so badly that the words came out far more harshly than I intended. "Look at _that_." The bruises _did_ look worse in the sunlight. I tried not to see them. I watched her instead. She looked…shocked. She pulled her hand from mine and pressed against one of the darker blotches, watching it fade then reappear. It made my own skin ache, to watch her. She still didn't seem to make the connection. As gently, delicately as if I was stroking a soap bubble, I lay my hand against each bruise, one after the other. They all matched perfectly. The pain I felt was intense and all encompassing.

"Oh." She stared down at the marks of my disgraceful lapse. What was she thinking? Would she ever be able to forgive me? Even if she did, would I ever be able to forgive myself?

"I'm…so sorry, Bella." I apologized, whispering in shame. "I knew better than this. I should not have –"I couldn't go on. I felt sick with guilt, literally gagging as my throat tightened with remorse. "I am more sorry than I can tell you."

There were no words fervent enough to convey the depth of my regret. I couldn't bear to look at her again, to see her perfect skin marked and marred, to see the bewilderment in her eyes. I covered my eyes with my arm, my body tensing to endure the choking misery that engulfed me.

Her soft touch could not breach the wall of my despair. She tugged at my wrist. "Edward." I barely heard her, lost as I was.

"Edward?" She said again. "I'm not sorry, Edward." That got my attention. "I'm…I can't even tell you. I'm so happy. That doesn't even cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f—"She was going to say it. I knew it had just been a matter of time.

"Do not say the word 'fine'." I interrupted icily. "If you value my sanity, do not say you are 'fine'." She was so obviously not 'fine' that her use of the word bordered on the insulting. Not that I didn't deserve any insult she chose to give me. If only she had actually meant it that way. It would make me feel better, less guilty, if she could bring herself to lay blame where blame was deserved.

"But I _am_." She insisted softly. Her stubborn refusal to admit to her injuries hurt me more than any word of condemnation. I did not deserve her gentleness. I did not deserve her excuses, her loyalty.

"Bella," I groaned "Don't."

"No. _You _don't, Edward." Finally she was sounding a bit angry. Good. I deserved her anger. I had to see if I was right. I moved my arm away and checked her expression. Not angry. Irritated. I felt almost cheated. And that didn't help my depression at all.

"Don't ruin this." She said. "I. Am. Happy." How could I believe that, with the evidence of my abuse so boldly etched on her skin? She was just being kind. Being Bella.

"I've already ruined this." I whispered. And how quickly it had happened. The last two days had been the happiest, most perfect days of my existence. And one small choice, the choice to 'try again'…I was disgusted with myself. I should have taken the first attempt as a warning. But no…I was greedy, and selfish. I had never wanted tears so badly in my life.

"Cut it out!" Now she was beyond irritated. I could hear the real anger in her voice, see it in the tightening of her eyes. But I could tell it was for the wrong reason. She wasn't angry about what I did, she was mad because I wouldn't pretend it didn't happen. Did she think that if she ignored her injuries I would, too? It was beyond aggravating! I heard my teeth grinding.

She must have heard it too, because she groaned. "Ugh! Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so inconvenient to be a mental mute!"

What?! Where did that come from? "That's a new one. You love that I can't read your mind."

"Not today." She said darkly.

I couldn't help but stare at her. Where was this going? "Why?"

She gestured in frustration and brought her hands down to smack solidly on my chest. The small violence shocked me a little. Her temper had never manifest itself physically before, except the one time with Jacob – and he had deserved every bit of it. "Because all this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I was perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now – well, I'm sort of pissed actually."

"You _should _be angry with me."

She had trusted me to not hurt her and I did. She _should_ be angry, because I failed her. Because my selfishness, my lack of control, ruined the most perfect of all nights. It was right that she was angry. Not that it helped…

"Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?"

"No. I don't think anything could make me feel better now." I admitted, sighing. There was nothing she could say that would mitigate the harm I had done, the pain I caused her. Or the overwhelming guilt I felt.

"That." She snarled, "That right there is why I'm angry. You are killing my buzz, Edward."

I will never understand the way her mind works. Things that are so obvious to me seem to matter not at all to her. I shook my head, saying nothing in my own defense. No, I will never understand how she can take my failures so lightly.

I heard her sigh. She went on, her voice softer "We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then – well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing."

I felt a frisson of anger. 'Tricky'?! I almost crushed the life out of her last night. I was within inches of sinking my venom coated teeth into her soft skin. I sat up, my fists clenched so I would not grab her, shake some sense into her. She was covered in bruises and she thought it was NOTHING?!

She was studying the discolorations on her arm, occasionally pressing down on the darker ones, watching them fade and return "I think for the first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice – " she looked up and her voice trailed off…

I was so infuriated I could barely speak. Everything seemed tinted red and my breath came fast and hard. "Assumed? Did you expect this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones – that equals victory?!" I was almost panting with the force of my anger as the words spilled out. She didn't stop me hurting her because she expected so much worse? I wasn't sure if I could have stopped later, but in the beginning…before…yes, I would have stopped. If she had told me…Would she _never_ give me one bit of help? Frustration fed my anger, and betrayal, too. She had _promised_…

I had never been this furious with her before. Not the day I met her and nearly ruined everything in my need to taste her blood. Not when I learned she had run off seeking James. Not when she had snuck off to La Push the first time. Never. I didn't think it was possible. I glared at her, waiting for her to speak, to defend the indefensible.

She stared back calmly, not saying a word. She just watched me. Slowly the rage began to fade. I couldn't maintain that level of anger in the face of her mild patience. It took longer than I expected for my temper to cool. She didn't speak for several minutes after that, and when she did, it was with slow precision.

"I didn't know what to expect – but I definitely did not expect how…how…just wonderful and perfect it was." She dropped her eyes from mine and a slow blush colored her cheeks. "I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me." She was whispering now, staring down at her hands. I lifted her chin with one cold finger. I had to see her eyes. I had to know what she was really thinking…

She wouldn't look at me.

"Is that what you're worried about? That I didn't enjoy myself?" I was aghast. My jaw clenched to think that _this_ was her concern.

She voice was soft, hesitant, and she still refused to look into my eyes. "I know it's not the same. You're not human. I was just trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that." Her shy admission jolted my cold, dead heart. I had hurt her again. It had never even occurred to me that Bella might interpret my anger, my shame, as some kind of disappointment with _her. _

I tried to push away my own feelings and look at it from her perspective. If the bruises – as horrific as they seemed to me – were the only injury I had done to her...was it any wonder that she could not understand my feelings? Bella's entire life was pattern of scrapes, cuts, and bruises. These small injuries barely even registered to her. She did not understand that each mark I put on her body was etched forever in my infallible vampire brain. That for the rest of my existence when I think of this day, I will feel the same pain, the same shame that I felt at this moment. I realized that I didn't want her to know.

When she finally lifted her eyes to mine, they were filled with doubt and uncertainty.

Well, I could not change what I had done to her body, but I could certainly fix this other hurt that I had unknowingly given her.

"It seems I have more to apologize for." I said softly, frowning at my own stupidity. "I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't…well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to feel that way, not when you were…"

It was painful to see the small hopeful smile curve her lips and know how deeply my selfishness and thoughtlessness had hurt her, again. "Really? The best ever?" she asked timidly.

I reached to cradle her face in my hands. I had to explain, somehow, what it had been like for me. I searched for the words…

"I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you." I had been so close to…doing the unthinkable. "He had faith in me, though…faith I didn't deserve."

Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to protest, to defend me…I pressed my fingers to her lips before she could even start.

"I also asked him what I should expect. I didn't know what it would be for me…what with my being a vampire." I tried to smile, to ease the worry I saw in her face. "Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly. With our rarely changing temperatures, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said I did not need to worry about that part – you had already altered me so completely." That was nothing but truth. I was definitely not the same man I had been before I met her. It was easier to smile this time, seeing how this admission made her eyes brighten.

"I spoke to my brothers, too. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood." I frowned a little, comparing the two experiences. "But I've tasted your blood, and there could be no blood more potent than that…I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more." I could almost believe I did still have a soul, thinking of her eyes when we finally joined, the look in them – so warm – and that one moment when I felt her all around me, filling my senses, touching me on a level that was definitely more than physical.

"It _was_ more. It was everything."

I shook my head sharply, trying to clear my mind. Yes, it had been more, none the less…"That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way." How could she, really? Some of the bruising looked to be bone deep. I cringed, knowing the pain she must be in.

She glowered at me, "What does that mean? Do you think I'm making this up? Why!?"

I dropped my eyes, ashamed. "To ease my guilt." I said softly. I studied my hands, now laying harmlessly in my lap. Hating their hardness, their icy chill, their deadly strength. "I can't ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of letting me off the hook when I make mistakes."

It was unexpected, the way she grabbed my chin and leaned in to glare at me. Her eyes, usually so soft, so gentle, were hard as agate. She bent until we were literally nose to nose, forcing me to stare, to read the fury in her face….

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen, " She hissed, "I am not pretending anything for your sake. I didn't even know there was a reason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable." Her hot, harmless anger was endearing, and I felt my lips twitch, despite my misery.

"I've never been so happy in all my life – I wasn't this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you wanted to kill me, or the first morning I woke up and you were there waiting for me…Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio…" I flinched as that memory flashed through my mind. It had been so very, very close…"or when you said 'I do' and I realized that, somehow, I got to keep you forever. I have never been so happy, " She said fiercely. "So just deal with it."

She let me go and leaned back, arms crossing, lips set in a determined, stubborn line. She scowled as if daring me to contradict her. She was adorable. Okay. So I couldn't force her to admit anything. And the damage was already done. I would try to make it up to her. Beginning immediately.

I reached up and gently smoothed the puckered 'v' from between her brows. "I am making you unhappy now. I don't want to do that."

"Then don't you be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here." She leaned into my hand, anger draining from her eyes. My thumb skimmed over her cheek, lightly tracing the bruise there. I tried to control my reaction, but she caught part of it I think. So I took a deep breath and moved to divert her attention –


End file.
